


Julie of the Jungle: Paradise Lost

by DChan87



Series: Pōmaikaʻi Adventures [3]
Category: BURROUGHS Edgar Rice - Works, Original Work, Tarzan - All Media Types, Tarzan - Edgar Rice Burroughs, Tarzan the Ape Man (1932)
Genre: Bechdel Test Pass, Bikinis, Cruise Ships, Cults, Established Relationship, Fantasy, Gen, Humor, Islands, Jungle, Jungle Girl, Original Character(s), Polynesian, Primitive Culture, Rainforests, Shipwrecks, Survival, Tribal Society, Uncharted Island
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-16 16:23:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4631979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DChan87/pseuds/DChan87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A ship wrecked off the coast of Greystoke Island several years ago. The survivors have since started their own village, known as Paradise Village. But as time passed, they came into conflict with the native Teo and Pele tribes. Kaitan and his mate Julie are intent on preventing conflict that even the tribes do not want.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

The ship was gone.

The surviving passengers, washed ashore on the beach of this strange, tropical island, could only look on in disbelief and horror. The faint, distant outline of a cruise ship could be seen going down in the distance. Screams and gasps escaped all their lips and throats. It only took a few moments before the distant image of the ship disappeared, never to be seen again. The only evidence their ship ever existed was the massive storm off in the vicinity of the ship. Although it was sunny on the island they were on, the far-off gray clouds masked rough seas.

"Is everyone okay?" the captain asked while he walked through the survivors. Murmurs came every now and then, but a few of them were murmurs of thanks. The captain didn't focus on them, he simply raised his hand in acknowledgement and moved on. His crew attended to the rest of the survivors, which he hadn't counted yet.

"First mate Leo," he said, turning to that first mate. "I need you to take some of the crew and see how many of them know how to survive in the wild."

"Yes, captain!" Leo replied.

"We'll need to find more like that among the passengers," said the captain. "Take roll and see if we lost anyone."

"I fear we may have," said Leo.

"Then we will have to move on," said the captain.

"We're going to need food and water for everyone," said Leo.

"There are fish in the ocean," said the captain, "And coconuts in those trees. Get to work."

"I'll find some men who can do it," said Leo. He departed and began to gather some of the crewmen to start fishing and gathering coconuts to drink out of.

But the captain sighed and adjusted his cap. He looked around. More crewmembers helped the survivors, many of whom were wounded. They did the best they could to treat their wounds and injuries using the first aid kits they brought with them on the lifeboats. Those lifeboats were anchored offshore. "There'd better be someone stupid enough to get all the medicine off the ship," he said to himself.

An old woman staggered up to him, shakily gripping her cane and reaching out for someone to hold her. The captain gently took her hand and helped her keep her balance until she stood back up. "Are you alright, ma'am?" he asked.

"Bless you, Captain," she said. "You saved us all."

"Well, I was only doing my job, and—"

"We are forever in your debt."

"Okaaaayyyy," he said. "I'll need to speak to the rest of the passengers." He said this without so much as looking at the old woman.

Sometime later, he gathered his crew and they examined a map. A crewman gave him the coordinates and, with a compass to help, looked for their location on said map. "Okay, so, we should be around, here—Oh, no."

"What is it, captain?" First Mate Leo asked.

"Look," said the captain. He pointed at their estimated location. It was all blue.

"This is impossible," Leo breathed.

"Are you sure?" the captain asked. "Well, the point is, we don't have a radio. We'll have to find a way to make contact with any ships. I have a bad feeling we're going to be here a while.

Leo's face turned angry. "Captain, I have served alongside you for 15 years," he said. "I've never seen you be so defeatist."

"That's because I might know where we are," he said as he turned to his left, and what he saw confirmed his suspicion. There was a deer, almost the size of a reindeer, walking out onto the beach. It had its fawn in tow, and it turned to see the strange creatures sharing the beach with it. The captain took his hat off, sighed, rubbed his face and looked around. "An island no one can find, with strange animals. Yeah, I think I know where we are."

"So what are we going to do?" Leo asked.

"Well, this isn't  _Lost_ ," said the captain. "But it's also not quite  _Gilligan's Island_. We'll have to start worrying about our long-term situation. Don't stop trying to contact the outside world, but we're not going to stay on this beach. We'll have to tell the passengers we're moving inland. Round them up, I'm going to make the announcement."

A few minutes later, the passengers were gathered on the beach, with their eyes and ears all trained on the captain, thus making his next words unnecessary. "Your attention, please!" he called atop a rather large rock. "I am sorry for what's happened today. On behalf of the ship line, I personally apologize and claim responsibility for the sinking of our ship. And, from what my crewmembers have told me, about 13% of our fellow passengers.

"However, I want to make it clear that we're not going to stay on this beach. Yes, we are going to try and contact the outside world, but judging by our present location, it may be some time before we're able to find rescue. That is why we are moving off this beach, and heading inland." The passengers murmured amongst each other. The voices began to rise, but the captain raised his hands. "I know, I know, I'm just as nervous, scared and frustrated as you are. But, I do not want to see anyone else die today. We are going to press forward, pull our strengths and resources together, and survive!

The crowd was still for a moment before the first murmurings of agreement could be heard. They all started to agree with each other, and it wasn't long before a loud, triumphant, hopeful cheer escaped their throats. The captain smiled and rubbed his hand through his hair in relief. Of course, this was the easy part. Now, the hard part came.

"Alright, take some time to gather your things," he said. "Once we're done, we'll move inland." He turned to some of his crewmembers. "Some of you will have to stay on the beach. Although, we can probably just switch off every now and then. Yeah, that'll work."

"Great," said the crewmember who was picked to do this first.

The passengers gathered up their things and followed the captain off the beach, and inland.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

About two-and-a-half-years prior to the main events of the story, and strangely, on the exact same day in the calendar as the day the captain's ship sank (albeit several years later), a young woman sat very bored in one of the classrooms of the University of California-Los Angeles's Haines Hall at 34.072513 N, -118.441127 W, looking out at one of the campus's quads. 

It was a particularly sunny day, but the occupant of the seat, a young woman of Serbian, Finnish, Spanish (Castillan AND Catalan), Irish, and whatever was left of the Native Tribes of NorCal (where she was born), as seen in her sorta-chestnut-shaped eyes, helped by recessive genes and even a distant-relation to the famed Chief Seattle on her mother's side, descent by the name of Julia Rosalina Vidic, or, Julie. Her importance, if you are looking at the title, is extremely important. For she is set to be departing on an expedition to some godforsaken island in a matter of weeks for a semester-long trip.

And while she had to remind herself that she was, of course, weeks away from her life-changing trip, she was mere seconds from receiving a harsh reminder from her teacher in 3… 2… 1… now.

"Ms. Vidic!" the teacher shouted with such ferocity to interrupt not only her, but her entire class. His shout forced her to sit up straightly while making a feminine 'eep' sound and make nervous eye contact with the teacher's very irritated look. "Find anything interesting out there?"

Julie was reminded of unfortunate moments in grade school, when her teacher would call her out for similar transgressions. "Not really," she said.

"Having another Jane Porter daydream or something?" he asked, making her cringe at her interest in a particularly old-fashioned, romantic, and pretty racist literary character and his adventures in a fictional version of Africa.

"No," she replied.

"Perfect! Then perhaps, you can tell us what we were talking about."

Julie happened to look just for a microsecond at the desk to her right, belonging to a young woman whom she'd had a few testy conversations with over body image, and particularly how she saw and called Julie a "walking fat shamer" just because her arms happened to be toned. The notes had a single, simple word, but that word carried enough baggage to fill 15 Boeing 747s, and none of it was good: "Jonestown".

"Jonestown," she said confidently.

"So either you've been listening, or you were lucky," he said, having been looking away when Julie looked at her already-unhappy neighbor. "What do you know about it, aside from the painfully-obvious blue whale in the room regarding that topic?"

"That it showed all the warning signs of a destructive cult as time went on," she replied, while stopping herself from making it sound like a question.

"Yes, and what ARE those warning signs?" he asked while making a gesture that subtly said, 'I want you to answer this, or I am going to humiliate you in more ways than one, because you deserve it this time'.

"They… are really, really controlling over their members' lives?"

"Go on."

"They have to abide by ethical double standards?"

"Yes…"

"Their only purpose is to recruit new members? Wait, that doesn't sound like Jonestown."

"Kinda depends," said the teacher. "Early on, they were like any mainline Christian denomi—keep going!"

"They're usually very exclusive and the leader claims to be innovative? Okay, I KNOW that's Jones."

"You're on the right track."

"The leader claims to be messianic, which I know perfectly fits Jones."

"Much better."

"The leader likes to keep the focus on themselves. Jones would often test his followers' loyalty to him, and the… Flavor-aid… was one of those tests."

"And finally?"

Finally? That's a relief! "Charismatic leaders," said Julie. "That fits Jones to a T."

"You may not have been paying attention, but you know your stuff!" the teacher announced and Julie sighed in sweet relief. "Now, why do you think people join cults, Ms. Vidic?"

"For some sense of belonging," she calmly answered. "It's a classic familial structure. And that's how a lot of cults and religions are able to recruit members."

"And what was Jonestown's ultimate downfall? The reasons, of course, not the… drinks."

"Jones had begun to show signs of paranoia early on," said Julie. "He later moved from Indianapolis to Northern California out of fear of nuclear war. As time went on, he began to show classic signs of paranoia, would abuse his congregation members, including ordering that they give him all his money and devote their lives to him, and was accused of sexual misconduct. To escape this, he moved them to Guyana. The group's fear of nuclear Armageddon, Jones's increasingly paranoid behavior, and their extreme isolation in the rainforest were all major contributors to the… you know."

"I'm going to stop you there, because that's what I was starting to get to," said the teacher. "Obviously, Jonestown is an obvious example of a destructive cult and why anthropologists are so fascinated in cults tends to differ among us. But, for the sake of our class today, here's why."

So Julie sat back and listened to the teacher talk about Jonestown, not once knowing that for some cosmically strange reason, this would become important in her later life. Of course, being a college student, and since humans cannot predict the future whatsoever, it didn't really matter.

And that is the end of the prologue. A rubbish prologue, but now the main story shall begin.


	2. Before the Luau

Julie Vidic was in a good mood.

It didn't take much to get the 23-year-old jungle girl into one, and today was no exception. It was plain as day just by the way she walked through the thick brush, while half-naked, lifting her legs up high and humming “Zip-a-Dee-Do-Dah” to herself. Usually, she was in a good mood just because she happened to be living the jungle girl life on Greystoke Island. But, she had another reason.

The day itself certainly helped her good mood. It was nice, sunny, low-humidity, and somewhere in 80-degree range, a day that erased any regrets about giving up on her life back in California in exchange for living as a jungle, basically like some old pulp novel heroine. Then again, like the old saying went, don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it.

The early-mid-morning sun was beating down on the lush green, providing excellent photosynthesis food for every single plant on the island, which itself is pretty big, approximately the same size as the Big Island of Hawaii. There aren’t very many other islands approximately the size of Greystoke, although that’s because there really AREN’T.

(Also, the size of the island tends to change, depending on the story, because while there is something of a canon/continuity, it does not extend to the size of the island. Mostly because the author is an indecisive idiot when it comes to the size of the island)

The island is covered by a lush green jungle and populated by a veritable mix of flora and fauna species. Most of the latter, in fact, almost all of them, save for the native fruit bat, could be considered invasive species, except they’d formed an entire balanced ecosystem, complete with equally-as-balanced food chains, that, if things went wrong, could potentially lead towards ecological disaster on the island.

One of those animals, a cat—though nothing like a domestic cat, instead on about the size of a medium-sized dog and resembling a mixture between a domestic cat and a bobcat (with a tail, of course)—bounced out of the brush and rubbed its face up on Julie’s leg.

“Ginger!” Julie cooed a she knelt down to pet the friendly wild cat. It received her petting like a regular house cat, rubbing up against her and wanting her to scratch behind her ears. Julie wasn’t worried about rabies. She’d already been vaccinated even before she came to Greystoke, and against several other potentially dangerous diseases just to be safe (her arm hurt like a bitch for a week after her final shot, which was for meningitis). Also, some of the cats had already been vaccinated against rabies, as evidenced by the tag Ginger had on her ear.

“Who’s a good wild kitty?” Julie asked while she scratched the cat, who rubbed her fur against her bare, hairless legs.

What? It’s a jungle girl fantasy. I can do what I want.

The cat got tired of the attention and slinked off back into the brush, at which Julie brushed her legs off, hoping to get rid of some bugs that may have hopped off Ginger and onto her. There _was_ one bug, but it was harmless, anyway.

Oh wait, we forgot! Julie’s in a good mood!

The weather and her life as a jungle girl are not the main reasons she’s in a good mood.

She’s in a good mood because the Teo, the tribe who adopted her and her boyfriend, are welcoming her apprentice Kimi Fujioka into the tribe.

And she couldn’t be more proud of the Australian.

Of course, Julie was not Teo, as you may have guess by her name. Her full name is Julie Vidic, and as you probably know, she’s from Kah-lee-fohn-yah. No, she never got tired of pronouncing it like AHHH-Nuld because it’s too much fun not to. And as you can tell, she’s managed to survive; about two years, in fact.

But being a jungle girl’s not easy. In fact, it’s… kinda deadly. And dirty. In fact, some of the scars covering Julie’s kinda-tanned and freckled skin attested to this. She doesn’t know how many times she cut herself on a branch or some animal swiped her with their Nasty Claws, and she was kinda lucky they never bit her. Of course if she did, she didn’t have to worry about rabies, since not only was she vaccinated against it (just in case), it seemed as if, as far as some of the other palemen like her were aware. A few tests of the cats and bats on the island showed no signs of the nasty bug. And any animal that would be introduced to the island that was already overrun by invasive species that those animals would have to have been inoculated.

And it’s also… kinda dirty. In fact, you’d have to get used to living without a shower, or access to clean water (or just look hard for it). And at some point, you’d end up smelling like a mixture of sweat, dirt and animal dung. But, if there’s anything about humans, it’s that they’re adaptable and resourceful. And for Julie, you can take the girl out of the civilization, but you can’t take the civilization out of the jungle girl. And she’s found ways to get clean.

But don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it, and Julie’s tried it. And like mentioned earlier, she wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Also earlier, it was mentioned that her skin was tanned. Her body was slender and toned, especially in the arms and stomach, which she proudly displayed. Her eyes were brown and her hair was long, brown and kinda disheveled. But it goes with the territory, and she kinda likes the look. Hey, she rocks the look. She also rocks the look with her “standard-issue” jungle girl outfit, an animal skin bikini and loincloth that covers her backside, so no butt shots. Oh, and she’s about average in the… chest… area. Having big “bongos” would probably hinder you in the wild.

And she can certainly rock the one-piece look, and she’s done it before. But with the way she looks, she might as well show herself off. And she does it for the women who don’t feel pretty, but wish they had a body like her. Not to mock them of course, but to let people know that it’s okay to show themselves off, especially when some asshole tells them to put the stomach and guns away.

She also had some jewelry you’d expect on a jungle girl; a shark-tooth necklace and a couple bracelets. But no earrings. And no make-up. Why she would need makeup in the wild, your guess is as good as the narrator’s. Though she IS beautiful, it sort of defeats the point of going into the wild to escape the pressures of civilization.

She did have some tattoos, though. Traditional Polynesian designs, sort of a hybrid of Samoan, Maori and Hawaiian designs coated her arm.

And yes, she was barefoot. Although, it might not be a good idea to show her soles, lest some sick foot fetishist get grossed out by—forget it, show those sick fucks just how dirty they are. A fallen log was in her way, so she lifted her foot, exposing how dirty her soles had gotten as she stepped over that log. Yeah, not a pretty sight. But she went barefoot for a multitude of reasons, the main reasons were for better grip on the trees and to get close to nature.

But she also figured out that the trail—actually NOT a trail, just a route—to the new village was not very good. There was a trail around here somewhere that did lead to the coast, and by extension, the new village.

There was a fallen tree laying against a standing tree. She began to climb up that tree and instantly, her movements changed from human to a hybrid of ape/simian and cat-like movements until she was in the branches. Now her movements were effortless, almost as if SHE was the jungle girl. Okay, maybe going camping and climbing around on jungle gyms like any normal kid would do certainly helps. Also, being helped by her Tarzan-like boyfriend has its advantages.

And once she stood on a branch and grabbed a vine, she had to stop herself from smiling too much. You read that right.

Her elbow quivered, but she kept her focus. She quickly grabbed the vine and swung over to the next tree. The village was now in sight, and she smiled. She swung from tree to tree until she finally reached the edge of the jungle and emerged onto the beach.

She was met with a cool seaside breeze, the smell of salty water and the sounds of a party. Even better, this was the first time in a while that she could enjoy a day with just the Teo tribe. All these adventures were stressful. And stress is part of the reason she stayed on the island.

The second thing that greeted her was the smell of pigs, chicken, fish and vegetables being cooked. Where there’s scent, there’s smoke. And where there’s smoke, there’s piggies getting cooked and turned into delicious luau main courses. The food was getting cooked in an area to her left, along with some of the women who were preparing some of the clothes for tonight’s ceremony. Kimi wasn’t the only subject for this little luau.

A woman was carving a tiki off to Julie’s right. She smiled and walked over to the young woman, who was about her age, and said, “Hi, Lilo!”

Lilo, the girl in question, fell back and then realized with whom she was talking to and sighed. “Hi, Julie!” she said in her native Greystokian language, which does not have a ‘J’ sound, like the Hawaiian and Maori languages in the same Polynesian language family, so it sounded more like ‘Huli’. “Sorry, I didn’t see you.”

“That’s okay,” Julie said while sitting down. “So what are you working on?”

“It’s one of the masks that’s going to be worn for tonight’s ceremony!” she said. She held the half-finished tiki mask up in front of her face and growled like a monster. “Grrr, look at me, I’m a conqueror, fear me! Grrr!”

Julie laughed out loud along with Lilo.

“LILO!” A stern voice interrupted them. An older woman strode towards them, her expression just as stern as her tone was. “You’re not supposed to be taking those tikis lightly.”

“I’m sorry, Aunt Kana,” said Lilo. Julie could tell just from her tone that she wasn’t sorry about having a little fun. If anything, she was sorry she got caught.

“Good,” said Kana. “And why must you wear that outfit, Huli?”

“Because I wanna,” Julie replied.

Kana could only roll her eyes and walk away. Julie shrugged, but took Lilo’s handiwork and examined it. “It looks pretty good,” said Julie. “Have you been practicing?”

“So much so, my mom asked me not to touch anymore until today,” said Lilo.

“I can’t wait to see the rest of your handiwork,” Julie said eagerly. “By the way, where’s Kimi?”

Lilo pointed off towards the beach. There was a girl meditating on the shore. “She’s been eager to learn,” said Lilo. “It’s a shame she won’t actually be part of the tribe until the Chief and Kame say she is.” Julie sighed and rolled her eyes, remembering how stubborn those two were about her, even though she learned the ways and language of the tribe pretty quickly.

“Well, I guess it’s a little unrealistic that she would learn EVERYTHING in just a seven-sun,” said Lilo.

“Also, I don’t think I expected Manti to welcome her into the Tribe THIS early,” said Julie.

“This whole new ‘citizenship’, or whatever you palemen call it is difficult,” said Lilo. “In fact, I hear those two elders discussing it over there.” She pointed behind Julie. The Californian turned around and saw a pair of the village elders. She cupped her ears so she could hear them better.

“… itizenship! What nonsense! These _haloe_ know nothing of us!”

“And yet Kaitan and Huli were not only eager to, but they have been learning our ways. Even the new girl is—”

“Two is enough! And why is Manti initiat—”

“Bastards,” Julie said, or at least the Greystokian equivalent, as she turned away. “Unfortunately, I guess I should accept that I’m not going to be accepted by everyone. I can only hope the same for Kimi.”

“I like her,” said Lilo.

“HULI! Leave her alone!” Hana called again, much to Lilo and Julie’s chagrin. The Jungle Girl stood up and walked away. She was almost run over by a runaway pig, but the swine’s squeals alerted her before the pig got to her, and she jumped out of the way. The pig ran past her, with a farmer chasing after it. Julie sighed and rubbed her hair. She looked around for something to do (aside from bugging Kimi), but didn’t find anything except for busy tribesmen who’d already settled into their new capital village.

To her right, a middle-aged woman worked on some kappa cloth. Her granddaughter, or at least that’s what Julie assumed, watched as her grandmother instructed her on the finer things of cloth-making. Further down the beach, some young boys were playing a form of bowling with an ‘ulu maika, and argued over who was winning, because the kid who said he was winning was the son of a dog. Then again, that kid could barely even fight a frog.

She rolled her eyes, remarking to herself how boys are all the same, no matter the culture. Then she reminded herself that she could write a little Tumblr post or a short article about it for an anthropology magazine.

“Run! The Nightmarchers are coming for you!” a little girl cackled as she ran past Julie while chasing her brother.

“Alani, STOP!” the boy wailed. Julie walked up and grabbed the girl’s shoulder.

“He said stop,” she said. The little girl pouted and brushed Julie’s arm off her before running away, probably to tell her mama about what Julie did.

The new village used to be a fishing village on the edge of the jungle on the southern coast. The 'capital' used to be further inland until Chief Manti decided to move it not too long ago. Oh, the old village is still standing, but this new village serves as the capital for the Teo chiefdom. Other villages, which are spread along the southern coast, have their own Chiefs, but Manti is the High Chief.

“OI! Watch it, sistah!” A young man about Kaitan’s age rushed past Julie, carrying his surfboard, without even once bothering to slow down and/or step out of the way.

“ _Honi ko'u 'elemu!_ ” she shouted back whilst flipping the man off.

“That’s not a nice thing to say,” a voice said to her from behind. She turned around and saw a man sitting on the beach juggling a few shells.

“Oh, Kame, I didn’t see you there,” she said.

“No worries, little cuz,” Kame, the village—and Manti’s— _kahuna_ /medicine man/priest said. “Come on, sit down.”

Julie sat down next to the priest and watched some of the boisterous young men shouting about how good their surfing is. “So how are you today?” he asked.

“I’m excited for Kimi,” said Julie. “But how come you’re not going to—”

“The little girl is young,” said Kame. “She just has a lot to learn and I want to be patient with her. And I want her to be patient, too. “

“You didn’t do that with Kaitan,” she murmured.

“What were we supposed to do?” he asked. “His family was dead. Also, he just grew up among us. He’s a family member, no matter what.”’

Julie looked at him and then away. “By the way, are the other palemen learners coming tonight?” he asked.

“Gina said she is,” said Julie. “I suspect a few others might. Oh wait, Tamou’s coming to! He wants to perform a haka!”

“That SHOULD be fun!” Kame said while rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “I’ll go tell some of the warriors and—oh, I forgot. I need to get some _tī_ leaves to bless the ceremony.”

“I can get some,” said Julie.

“Farmer Kahlu grows some,” he said, “Over there.” He pointed to a man, probably in his 40s, cultivating a small field of crops over at the edge of the beach.

“Okay!” Julie said as she stood to run over to the small plot where Kahlu had stopped to take a break. He didn’t notice her until she cast her shadow over him and he looked up in surprise at her.

“Huli?” he asked.

“Hi, Farmer Kahlu,” she said. “I just need something. Kame needs some _tī_ leaves and I volunteered to pick them up.”

“Well, now that you mention it, I do have a surplus of _tī_ leaves,” said Kalhu. He got up and picked up some leaves of the _Cordyline fruticosa_ plant. “Here you go. And tell Kame they’re on me this time. And ONLY this time, okay?”

“Got it,” said Julie. She took the leaves and ran back over to Kame. “Here you go!” she said as she handed some of the leaves to him.

“Perfect!” Kame said. “By the way, something else seems to be troubling you.”

“Oh, Ms. Hana told Lilo to take her tiki-carving seriously,” said Julie. “I mean, she WAS playing with a tiki mask, but—“

“But, you feel it’s unfair for Hana to be so harsh to her niece,” he said while he prepared some of the leaves. “I see what you’re worried about. In fairness to Hana, tiki are important.”

“I know,” said Julie. “I mean, they ARE the gods, after all.”

“I am amazed at how far you’ve come,” he said. “You’re our ‘jungle girl’!” Julie grinned and gave him the thumbs-up.

“Now I just need someone to worship me like a goddess or queen!” she snickered while Kame rolled his eyes at her. “I’ll be even better than Sheena! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!”

“Are you done yet?” he asked.

“Yeah, sorry,” she laughed. “Just having some fun!”

“It’s good you have a sense of humor,” said Kame. “But no one’s going to worship you. If you start doing pigcrap like that, don’t be surprised when everyone starts laughing at you.”

“Okay,” she said. She stood and looked around. The stage for the luau was being constructed near the edge of the jungle and beach.

But the actual luau wasn’t going to happen for several hours. And since she’d been meaning to, it was time for her to go and see how Kimi was doing.

The Japanese-Australian, who’d fallen off a cruise ship because of her abusive foster family, sat tracing circles in the sand.

“Hi, Kimi,” Julie said to the 16-year-old wannabe jungle girl. Kimi looked up and smiled. She then stood up and hugged her mentor.

“Julie!” she said.

“So how’s tribal school going?” Julie asked. Kimi’s sighs said a lot. “Bad, huh?”

“They barely like me! And Tim cheats off my notes!”

“I’ll talk with him,” said Julie. “But, I talked with Kame and… he probably told you, forget it. So! What are they doing to help you prepare for tonight?”

“Not much,” said Kimi. “I think they’re just going to bless me or something.”

“Kinda like they did with me… except took a while for me.”

It was obviously a touchy subject that Kimi didn’t want to push any further. “Um, is a luau any fun?”

“Teo luaus certainly are!” Julie replied as she sat down. “You’re gonna love the food, it’s incredible! It’s like a big party!”

“Oh, that’s fun!” said Kimi.

“You know what you’re supposed to do?” Julie asked, deciding to get back to the main topic.

“Tim said Kamee was going to bless me or something?” Kimi asked. “I forgot.”

“Ah well,” said Julie. Two more old tribespeople walked past, and Julie could hear the familiar word _haloe_ escape the lips of the old man. Kimi didn’t understand what they were saying, but she shrank at the sight of the man’s suspicious glare. Julie glared back at them, making them turn away. But the damage was done, and Julie could see it plain as day.

“Sorry about them,” she said. “Just don’t care about them, okay?”

“But I want them to like me,” said Kimi.

“Kimi, not everyone’s going to like you,” said Julie. “I’ve learned that by now. But, you probably have a lot of people who already like you. They’re the ones you should care about.”

“But I can’t understand them,” said Kimi.

“Then hang out with Tim if you need to,” said Julie. “Or do you already do that?”

“I don’t have a choice,” she said.

“Fair enough,” said Julie.

Speak of the devil and he shall come, Tim walked up to them. Tim is a former member of the Greystoke expedition who, through no fault of his own, got possessed by the spirit of an evil sorcerer who shares the same initials as a certain Stephen King character. Through some strange… whatever, he speaks Greystokian. “Aloha, Julie,” he said.

“Aloha,” said Julie. “What do you need, Tim?”

“Chief Manti said that it’s time for Kimi’s language lesson,” he said.

“Oh!” said Julie. “Go on! I’ll see you later tonight at the luau.” Kimi nodded and followed Tim back to his hut, over near the edge of the green.

Julie was left alone again, but there was one more person she needed to find. She looked around the beach until she found what she was looking for.

Kaitan the Jungle Dude, the biggest reason she stayed on Greystoke, was busy sparring with some of his _Koa_ friends. They practiced the Greystokian version of _Lua_ , a brutal Hawaiian martial art. Kaitan was going up against Hilo, Manti’s second-in-command. And both men, wearing nothing but loincloths, aroused Julie. She licked her lips before shaking the thoughts out of her head.

Kaitan finished the sparring and wiped his brow off. He was the size of a welterweight UFC fighter; lean and slender, athletic, but not uber-buff, and even had a little bit of gymnast in his build. Like her, his skin tone was a little tanned, but his was more permanent, because the Manitoban had more First Nations heritage in him than Julie did, and it showed. His hair was scraggly and tied up in a ponytail, but he also had some bangs in front, which were a little spiky. And he wore a Tarzan loincloth.

He turned his back and Julie saw her opportunity. She snuck up to him like a cat stalking its prey. No one noticed her until she sprung onto Kaitan, latching onto his neck from behind. The other warriors laughed at his sudden shock, but he took it in stride when he saw who it was. “Aloha, Julie,” he said.

“Aloha,” she replied flirtatiously. “Hope I didn’t embarrass you.”

“A little,” he replied. “But I guess that’s because you’re a good hunter now.”

Julie giggled and let go of her mate. He turned around and took a towel, allowing her to ogle his muscles before he gave her a “my eyes are up here” gesture. “Sorry,” she said. “I talked with Kimi. She doesn’t sound very nervous.”

“That’s good to hear,” he said.

“Oi! Kaitan! You and me next, bruddah!” one of the warriors interrupted, wrapping his arm around his shoulders.

“I’m gonna turn you into _poi_ paste!” Kaitan boasted. Julie rolled her eyes. Men. Although, to be honest, she kinda liked watching this vaguely-homoerotic display of testosterone. “Oh, wait! Julie, are the researchers coming?”

“Yep!” she replied.

“Come on Jungle Boy, let’s go!” the other warrior whined. “Or are you chicken?”

“You know I’m not!” Kaitan replied.

“Kick his ass,” said Julie. She leaned in and kissed his cheek. He smiled like a goofball and turned to the warrior, who’d already started doing a _ha’a_. Kaitan turned around, his eyebrow raising a la Stephen Colbert (a reference he’s sadly not going to get) and started doing his own ha’a. A ha’a, by the way, is the Hawaiian version of a Haka. The Greystokians are closely related to the Hawaiians in both language and culture, hence why Hawaiian terms have been used.

Julie sat down and eagerly watched her Tarzan-like mate spar with the warrior. All she could think about was having a nice time at the luau tonight.

On the other side of the island, men in tribal, Mad Max-esque armor set out towards the Teo coast.


	3. The Luau

Julie stuck around the village for the rest of the afternoon to help prepare everything for the luau. She helped to made some of the straw baskets that were going to be used to hold the food in—apples, berries, grain, meat, etc—and also helped make some of the grass skirts the dancers were going to wear.

Kimi’s language lesson went on longer than she expected, which she figured out when Kimi trudged up to her, looking paler than Julie (HI-YO!) and collapsing face-first into the sand. “I take it the language lesson went well?” Julie asked without taking her eyes off the kabobs she skewered. Kimi groaned a ‘no’ sound, but it only served to confirm Julie’s sarcastic question. “Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it. It’s actually kind of easy to learn!”

“And I thought Chinese was hard!” Kimi whined.

“Maybe they should go easy on her,” Lilo remarked.

“Yeah,” Julie chuckled.

Julie picked Kimi up and made her start to weave some baskets. Kimi wasn’t thrilled, but Julie was set on keeping her busy until the luau started. Kaitan did his own thing. He helped set up the tables and the stage decorations before moving to the grill to help cook and smoke the meat.

When Julie finished making the baskets, she also went over to check on the meat. Kame examined the rather large hog that was being barbecued. He cut off a piece and looked at the meat. “It’s already done,” he said. “That’s impressive. And bad.”

“Actually, we won’t have to worry,” Kaitan said while checking the digital watch on his wrist. “We’re supposed to be starting soon, anyway.”

“Keep the fire at a low burn,” said Kame.

“Of course,” said the cook.

While the cook kept the meat warm with the slow-burn fire, Kaitan and Kame walked away, deep in argument about what time the researchers were supposed to be coming at. It wasn’t until Kaitan said they were coming at 6:30, and the current time was 6:15 that the Kahuna was satisfied. “Sorry for the confusion,” said the Jungle Dude.

“I should apologize too,” said Kame. “I simply need to get used to how you palemen keep time. But, Tim has been trying to help.”

Kaitan nodded proudly.

The activity in the village began to pick up when they learned it was almost time for the luau to begin. They came out of their huts, moved to the western edge of the beach and settled in. The tribal elders did not come yet. They waited outside Manti’s hut, eating strips of bacon jerky and sipping their drinks. Lilo’s aunt turned and glared at the Chief’s door. “Come on, Manti,” she muttered to herself. “Get out here like you are supposed to.”

The rest of the tribe ignored them. There were 8 tables. The men sat on the right side (stage left) of the tables and the women on the left (stage right). The kids had their own tables, as they were the Teo equivalent of the Thanksgiving kids’ table, the dreaded table separate from everyone else where everyone from 3, to as high as 24 had to sit. All of them sat on lauhala mats.

Julie took her seat at one of the tables on the left side, off to stage right. She was joined by Kaitan, Lilo and Kimi. The fact that it was the only empty table aside from the Jungle Couple, Kimi and Lilo should be enough to tell you who this table was for.

And they arrived right on time.

There were no conch shells, nor welcoming ceremony for the researchers. They just came in from beside the stage and sat down. That is, until the warriors noticed them.

One warrior, Manti’s lieutenant Hilo, stood and pointed to one of the researchers, the Maori former Australian Army Lieutenant John Tamou. His warriors stood up and shouted at Tamou. The Aussie looked on as if he was unimpressed at their challenge. Hilo and his warriors began chanting their ha’a. Like many a Polynesian and other tribal cultures around the world, the Teo, and by extension, the Greystokians, had their war dances. The men chanted and moved in a mighty display of male power and testosterone, finally ending with an intimidating challenge, sticking their tongues out and bulging their eyes. Their tribespeople applauded. Now it was time for the researchers to answer.

John shouted in the language of his Maori ancestors “ _Ka rite! Ka rite! Kia mau!_ ”

“ _HI!_ ”

John and the male researchers squatted. John prowled amidst them, shouting orders in Maori. Hilo and his men stood still, waiting for the researcher men to move. “ _Ringa pakia! Uma tiraha! Turi whatia! Kia kino nei hoki!_ ” he ordered. And thus, the most famous Maori haka in the world, titled “Ka Mate”, as made famous by the All Blacks, the New Zealand national rugby union team, commenced.

 _“Kia kino nei hoki!_  
A… Ka mate, ka mate! ka ora! ka ora!  
A… Ka mate! ka mate! ka ora! ka ora!  
Tēnei te tangata pūhuruhuru  
Nāna nei i tiki mai whakawhiti te rā  
Ā, upane! ka upane!  
Ā, upane, ka upane, whiti te ra! HI!”

Their eyes bulged and their tongues stuck out as the Teo tribesmen applauded. The challenge had been accepted with aplomb and now the Teo warriors welcomed the researchers to the luau, where they sat down with Julie, Kaitan, Kimi and Lilo.

“Testosterone,” team leader Gina remarked as she placed a six-pack of Budweiser in ice on the table. Julie grabbed the first bottle she could, took the lid off and started drinking. “Well, hello to you, too.”

“Oops,” the California said the moment she finished about a quarter of the bottle.

The servers brought the food out to each table. There was the main dish, the roasted pulled pork they were working on earlier. It was accompanied by venison from the kinda-sorta-not-really native deer. Other dishes followed. There was lu’au, a meat, coconut and taro leaf dish that gives the luau its name. Poi paste, _laulau_ , _lomi_ —salmon that’s salted and marinated in lemon juice—and ahi poki were the main parts of the main course. There were also bananas, yams, breadfruit, sweet potatoes, limpet, seaweed and nut relish. OH! And some nuts that were included on the side.

The tribe was about to speak before they heard the conch shell blowing. They turned behind them to see Chief Manti, clad in his majestic regalia, coming their ways, accompanied by Kame and his _koa_ warriors. Cheers escaped the tribepeople’s throats as he walked past them. He waved his hand and walked up onto the stage made primarily of bamboo and other woods. As he turned to face his tribe, he held his hands out to quiet them.

“My fellow Teo!” he called out. “Tonight is an auspicious occasion! Tonight, not only do we welcome a new daughter into our fold, we celebrate the anniversary of our nation’s birth!” The cheer was so loud, Julie was reminded of game days at Cal’s Memorial Stadium. “But first, we will adopt a new member of our tribe. She is a friend of our own adopted family members of Kaitan and Hu’li and escaped a horrible family. She has made an incredible sacrifice in wishing to be adopted, but she’s eager to become of us!” He turned to Kimi and gestured for her to come up on stage.

She was onstage in an instant. Manti stepped to the side and Kame stepped up to Kimi. She fidgeted while he chanted and prayed, blessing her with _ti_ leaves. The whole ceremony lasted a couple minutes. Kimi didn’t know it was over until Julie shouted that she had been adopted, but they were keeping her regular name. For the rest of her life, none of her new tribal family would EVER let her live down the fact that she almost knocked Manti down when she tackled him in a big hug.

“You ARE a big soft-heart,” Kame chuckled.

With the ceremony out of the way, the real party could begin.

The first person to come on stage carried a pole with rags wrapped on both ends. Two men followed him. He wore a loincloth and ti leaves crowning his head and around his ankles. He held the staff out as the two men brought their torches up to both ends. They lit up and the man, accompanied by a frenetic drumbeat, began to spin and twirl the staff.

The crowd 'ooh'd', 'ahed' and cheered. The man smiled, but kept focus on the pole. He spun, twirled and threw it up in the air as the crowd roared in delight. He spun the flaming staff in front of him, creating a circle of fire. At first, he used two hands. But as his confidence grew, he switched to a single hand. The crowd gasped, but he smiled reassuringly. Manti crossed his arms and smiled approvingly. When he was finished, he saluted the crowd, smiling extra-giddy.

“That was my son,” Manti said to Kame. “He has been practicing for some time.” The young man walked up to his father and the two shared a heartfelt father-son hug.

Kaitan smiled and nodded as he watched the two. Julie also smiled at him. “Manti’s been like a father to me,” said Kaitan. “But I always knew Kitan was first in his heart.”

“Aw, you big softie,” she said. “I’m proud of you, too.”

The next performers came up on stage just moments later. They lined up into rows like they were in one of the war canoes. Hilo, Manti's second-in-command, shouted orders to his performers. They shouted a response. Then he in the Warriors squatted and shouted. The crowd cheered. The performers began to mime rowing movements while chanting to the beat of the drum. Kaitan leaned over to the researchers and began to translate the lyrics for them.

"We sailed for endless days and nights," Kaitan translated although not in the actual rhyming scheme, just the gist of the lyrics. "We did not know our direction, but the birds and the gods guided our way and we knew we would find our destination. When we spotted land we stopped and we thank the gods for their help, and we would praise them to for the rest of our existence. We would make this land ours. The Gods had willed it so, and we built our village and made our home."

"Are you sure those are the lyrics?" Gina skeptically asked.

"It's the basic plot," said Kaitan. "I guess I should've told it in a way that was... Poetic, huh, Julie?"

"Poetry is hard," said Julie. "Even I can't get it right."

"It's fine," said one of the researchers. "I got the basic gist of the story, anyways." He held the page up and showed his notes to everyone on the table.

The Warriors saluted the crowd when their performance ended. There was the crowd held up their glasses made of guano to salute the performance. The Warriors walked off stage with Hilo in the lead.

Next several women came onstage wearing, well, Hula skirts. Gina rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Seriously?" She asked. "A bloody hula? We're not in Hawaii we're on some literally uncharted Island." She held up her hand when Julie tried to let her know that the Hawaiians and the Greystokians are actually related, just by hundreds of miles, a common language and culture. "If I wanted a hula I would go to Hawaii."

"Do you know how many drinks have you had?" asked John Tamou.

"... None," said Gina.

John eyed her skeptically.

“Guys, STOP!” Julie stage-whispered in exasperation. “This is an important dance for the Tribe, it’s like… Swan Lake or something for them.”

It wasn’t the best analogy, because Swan Lake isn’t sacred, but it got the point across. The only person who should be talking, and was talking, was Julie, as she served as the translator for the dance.

“The lyrics are about the early days of Polynesian colonization and life on the island,” said Julie. “Since the island’s so big, everyone fanned out. By the way, the tribes as we know them now didn’t exist back then. They were just a loose collection of start-up villages.” Her expression darkened when she heard the next lyrics. “But the villages fought against each other. They fought over important things and petty squabbles. It got to the point where there’s be fighting every other seven-sun.”

“I didn’t know their history was so bloody,” said Gina.

“Peace finally came after a decade of bloodshed,” said Julie. “Trade was established between the villages and intermarriages became commonplace. Some of the villages even began to organize into confederations. And thus the story of the Teo truly begins.”

“Ah, so that’s how it must’ve happened,” the writer said. “Oral history isn’t the most reliable, though.”

“Just say ‘according to Teo oral history’,” said Julie. “It won’t get you in trouble if you’re wrong.”

“Good enough,” said the writer. “Well, Tim’s writing it down, too.”

“Except in the Teo alphabet and language,” said Julie.

Things settled down for a few minutes. The tribe focused on their meals while other performers came onstage just to provide atmosphere. Another fire-twirler came up and so did a sort of minstrel (in the old-timey medieval sense). The focus shifted to the feast itself. It is a feast, after all. They were there to eat. The feast, as it happened, was a success in Manti's eyes. He could deal with Kana's very negative attitude and the foolish behavior of the researchers, because his was, after all, an anniversary event.

But Lilo did not like Kana’s glare. She scooted away from what she thought was her aunt’s line of sight for several minutes. But Kana was like one of those creepy paintings in a Scooby-Doo cartoon, and her eyes followed Lilo wherever she went. Julie looked behind her. Kana turned away to watch the juggler on stage. In response, Julie glared at the older woman, who seemed unperturbed by the palewoman’s glare. She rolled her eyes.

But, Julie switched with one of the researchers. “I hate Kana,” Julie muttered.

“Try living with her,” said Lilo.

“I don’t envy you,” said Julie.

“Good thing I’m moving out,” said Lilo. “I’m moving in with my boyfriend’s mom.”

“Good,” said Julie.

The researchers asked Julie what she was talking about. She gave them a summary of the conversation. John, who’d switched sides, turned around towards Kana. The village elder had started to glare at them again, making John bulge his eyes and stick out his tongue at her the way his Maori people would look at an enemy. The real purpose, of course, was just to get her to stop looking at them and it worked. The woman turned back towards the stage. John kept his glare on her for at least a minute so as to prevent her from looking their way again. When he was confident she wasn’t looking, he turned his attention back to the food and the banana salad he was eating.

“Nice,” said Julie.

“I don’t like her,” John said.

“She doesn’t look very welcoming,” said Gina. “Nor nice.”

“I think we already established that,” said Julie. “Although, there’s probably a good reason for that.”

“What? Why she’s mean?” Kaitan asked.

“Nah,” said Julie. Kaitan shrugged and went back to his coconut milk. A thrilled gasp from everyone else jerked his attention to the juggler, now juggling with one hand. The rightfully-impressive feat drew Kaitan’s applause and a shout in unison with other warriors.

The performances stopped for a little while so the partygoers could finish their meals. Pies that the research team brought were served, as well as ice cream. The Teo were not unfamiliar with these treats. The researchers had been on Greystoke long enough for them to introduce their modern treats. Kaitan himself looked eager to have some ice cream, and he told them he hadn’t had it in years, after he washed ashore in Greystoke and tried to live out his Tarzan fantasies.

An hour passed (or it felt like an hour) until someone came back on stage. Several warriors and women walked onstage. The leader shouted something. “Oh, this is my favorite story!” Julie shuddered.

“What’s it about?” Gina asked.

“It’s about one of the most famous women in the history of the Teo, who was the mother of the first chief,” said Julie.

The dancers began their performance. The men chanted first, and the women followed. But this was different, as the women led the chanting. “There was a tribe that threatened her people,” Julie translated. “So she snuck into their village and pretended to be a tribeswoman for a week. When they got close to finding her, she hid in a basket and slipped out of the village so she could tell her fellow tribespeople about the enemy.”

“Sounds like _Ka Mate_ ,” said John.

The dance finished and the dancers took a bow before leaving the stage. As the next set of dancers came up on stage, the mood changed. The murmuring of the crowd grew louder and, judging by their tones, much more excited. Gina could feel the goosebumps on her skin. She looked at everyone else and gave them an excited grin. “This is going to be lovely,” she said.

“How do you know?” John asked.

“I’ve got goosebumps,” she said. “That means something good’s about to happen.”

The sky had darkened. Kaitan checked his watch, and noted that it was getting well into the evening. “The finale’s coming!” he whispered excitedly.

Kame walked up onstage and held his hands up to signal the crowd to be quiet. “Everyone!” he announced. “The performance you have been waiting for has arrived! Our most important dance, ‘Our Birth’!”

The partygoers roared. The researchers didn’t. It was understandable, because this was probably the first time they’d seen this live and not on camera. “Oh, and before we begin, I would like to acknowledge that this is the first time the palemen have been invited to see this performance.”

“Quite the honor,” Gina quipped as she clapped.

 Kame stepped off the stage to allow the next set of performers to come up. The crowd fell silent. The dancers chanted and shouted before starting their dance. Their faces were calm, but their bodies quivered. One of the researchers pulled a camera out and began filming as the dancers began.

“The Great Chief Teo,” Kaitan said. “He’s the one who united the peoples of the South into the Teo confederation. The people of the South were in a desperate war against the peoples of the East. They had already united to become a powerful force. But Teo decided it was vital that his people united in their fight. So he did just that.”

“Are they explaining how?” Gina asked.

“He visited each village of the South and urged them to join together,” said Kaitan. “I mean, he was a pretty charismatic leader, so he’s kind of like Kamehameha in that sense.”

“Oh, that’s the perfect analogy!” the writer said to himself.

The dancers suddenly stopped. “Was it something I said?” the writer asked amidst the awkward silence. Then Julie pointed to the east. The writer turned around and saw a group of men sitting on deer steeds and staring at the tribespeople.

“We are from the Paradise Village!” one of them announced. “And we have been sent to deliver a warning!”


End file.
